Girlism and Boyism

Scene 1:

Me: (lying down on bed) I have a headache.
Girl: You are okay. Just get up. (In the tone of voice I'd use when she falls down.)

Scene 2:

Boy: She opens her mouth. (refers to stuff toy he's strangling.)
Girl: Okay, I am coming with the ice-cream.
Boy: In her mouth, now! (continues to sit directly on top of said soft toy) Get her! She will feel better later. She will say thank you. (???? I have no idea what they were doing to that poor stuffed toy.)

Scene 3:

Boy: You have to share! (referring to a bag of candies)
Girl: Why?
Boy: Because I am your mommy! (wonder where he heard that one from...)


Scene 4:

Me: Who gave you that piece of apple?
Girl: I am snow white and the witch gave it to me.
Me: (Looked around the room to see all her teachers and school master standing around, hoping desperately that a friend gave her that piece of apple) Who gave it to you again?
Girl: (Points straight at the school master) She's the witch! (loud and proud)
Me: (A little embarrassed) We don't call people witches.
School master: No, we were playing. She's snow white and I was the witch.
Girl: (To me) That's what I told you. Then she chases me and pretends to bite me. Only pretend though. School Master doesn't really bite. Only mommy does that.
Me: (Even more embarrassed.........)

Why did I ever teach my children to speak?

Here is a random video of me watching my kids watch another kid on the computer.